Applied Bushspeak
American Idle National Tour 2004
A humorous spoof in Salon by Joyce McGreevy.
http://www.salon.com/tech/col/mcgreevy/2004/02/24/american_idle/index.html
On what does the White House base its optimism?
Do the math. Using the Fibbin’atcha Principle, add the 1.7 million projected new jobs for 2003 that never materialized, subtract 439,000 jobs lost that same year, then eliminate the year 2003. Multiply the 2004 projection that the average number of jobs will be 2.6 million higher than in 2003 by the number of people willing to believe anything if you say it often enough, then backpedal at a rate equal to the average velocity of two runaway trains heading in opposite directions, and cancel the 8 million unemployed. Factor in the 19th presidential visit to Florida since the 2000 ballot controversy (to the power of 5 Supreme Court justices minus 4), then after inverting the significance of 19,000 actual unemployed in Tampa, assign a greater value to the theoretical “40 more workers” that a factory owner in the same city hopes to add, and extrapolate the least likely outcome in the form of a speech that contains the words “strong” (x4), “upbeat"(x4), and “optimistic” (x7). Carry the one, carry the b.s., and do the hoky-poky as you turn yourself about. Simple, really…
W’s Reality Gap
It is beyond controversy that W “has such a high regard for the truth,” as Lincoln said of a rival, “that he uses it sparingly.”